John 11:32-44
When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who came with her also weeping, he was greatly disturbed in spirit and deeply moved. He said, “Where have you laid him?” They said to him, “Lord, come and see.” Jesus began to weep. So the Jews said, “See how he loved him!” But some of them said, “Could not he who opened the eyes of the blind man have kept this man from dying?” Then Jesus, again greatly disturbed, came to the tomb. It was a cave, and a stone was lying against it. Jesus said, “Take away the stone.” Martha, the sister of the dead man, said to him, “Lord, already there is a stench because he has been dead four days.” Jesus said to her, “Did I not tell you that if you believed, you would see the glory of God?” So they took away the stone. And Jesus looked upward and said, “Father, I thank you for having heard me. I knew that you always hear me, but I have said this for the sake of the crowd standing here, so that they may believe that you sent me.” When he had said this, he cried with a loud voice, “Lazarus, come out!” The dead man came out, his hands and feet bound with strips of cloth, and his face wrapped in a cloth. Jesus said to them, “Unbind him, and let him go.”
Lazarus died but the disciples wanted to soften it and say “no, Jesus, Lazarus is only asleep!” But Jesus wasn’t having it. He said straight out. He died. When Jesus got to Mary and Martha, they weren’t having any of the disciples’ denial either. Why weren’t you here Jesus! If you had been here he would not have died! Our culture so often wants to soften or deny the reality of death. People don’t even want to say the word… death. Instead we say, he passed, she’s gone home, and the most recent… he has transitioned. For that one I was very glad that I read the comments before sending congratulations on their gender reassignment surgery!
But denying the reality of death was not what Jesus modeled for us. Jesus, Mary, and Martha all knew that facing death head on was a hard, but healthy part of the process. Covering it up only pushes the pain down and then inevitably, the pain leaks out somewhere else in an even more terrible way. I don’t want to encourage others to deny the reality of death, so I’ve picked the first hymn for my funeral in the hopes it will give them permission to reject the cultural denial of death and face it head on. Have you picked your first hymn yet? For me, it’s this one:
Our stoic Lutheran and proper Episcopalian ancestors didn’t do us any favors in this area. Jesus, Mary, and Martha are better role models for us to follow. It’s hard, but it really is better for us to go ahead and honestly feel and proclaim our trials and troubles. And not just at the funeral but also when those trials inevitably circle back and push you down in the days, weeks, months and years ahead as well. So go ahead and be honest with world! TELL the world when your heart is almost breaking. Be sad, be angry, be heart broken, be relieved, be whatever you really feel in each and every moment of your grief. God gave you all of those emotions to use right when you feel them. It helps absolutely no one, to push them down or away.
Facing death head on is ONE of the things we learn about grief from Jesus, Mary, and Martha today. Another is that gathering with your family and community in deep and honest prayer has the power to change everything. In deep and honest thankfulness and sorrow, Jesus prayed his longing prayer. He prayed right into the mouth of the forever-darkness of Lazarus’ tomb. He prayed right into the reality of death, but he also dared to pray for the impossible as well, that Lazarus would “come out.” That prayer opened up just the smallest crack of hope for everyone. The song for my funeral that pries open a crack of hope is this one:
Children of the Heavenly Father
Through that tiny crack of hope you find tenderness and safety… safety in God’s arms enveloping you just as you are. That’s the truth this song dares to sing into the darkness of the tomb. It’s a song for the time between when Jesus said “Lazarus come out” and when Lazarus actually came out! In the passage, those two follow one another instantly, but you know for Mary, Martha and the people gathered there, that moment took forever. This is my song to sing while we emotionally teeter between complete hopelessness and that first, tiny daring of hope.
Then after what must have felt like forever and at the same time as quick as a blink of an eye. Lazarus was there. Ready to be unwrapped and live again! Can you imagine the faces of Mary and Martha? Mouths hanging open. First in disbelief. Then in growing belief and finally it shouts of impossible joy! THAT mouth-hanging-open-confusion-turned to wonder-turning to joy is what I want for the sending hymn at my funeral and for me this is the song for that!
When the Saints Go Marching In
So sing to face death head on. Sing when you gather with friends and family. Sing, while leaning on one another in prayer. Sing and reclaim the promise, that death is not the end! Sing out the Promise that death does not have the last word! Sing like you fully believe it (even when it’s impossible to believe) Sing until that Promise comes out fully into the light. Sing until we all unwrap it together with ALL the Saints… and every last one of us has Marched on in! Amen.
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